This is NOT what I imagined…
No one prepares you for NICU life...
It comes unexpectedly. Doctors try to prepare you for what it’s like with possible complications or issues that might come up. You know, to prepare you for “worst case scenarios”. It just made me scared of what was to come. So when I start dilating 4cm at 26 weeks with my identical twin girls and the medicine they give me is not stopping contractions, they tell me my twins are coming now.
It was not what I had imagined my delivery to be. I didnt get to hold my babies after they were delivered. I didnt get to see their faces until later that evening. I wasnt able to breastfeed or have them sleep in the same room with me. It was not at all my plan.
Being in the NICU was hard at times. Visiting them in the incubators with monitors and cords everywhere. Having to talk to the girls through glass. Not being able to see their faces because of the cpap mask. Not being able to hold them without help from a nurse. Learning the NICU terminology and what was being displayed on the monitors. Jumping up every time a monitor would start beeping. Driving to and from hospital just to see the babies. Arriving to the NICU, hoping the nurse has good news and not bad. Sitting by so helplessly, thinking its my fault, my body wasn’t strong enough.
But you know, when I think back about our experience I also remember how the NICU got me through. Seeing the same faces looking after our girls and trusting them to watch over them when we would leave. Being able to call in the middle of the night, to see how they were doing. Nurses and doctors getting so excited that they gained an oz or grew a cm. They witnessed when we first held them, when we first feed them, our first time doing a diaper change. They witnessed our tears, our doubts, our prayers, our fears. All the while, always being there to listen and to give their words of comfort and strength. After about 2 months in the NICU, we were finally able to bring them home! From twin A being 2 lbs 7oz and twin B being 2 lbs 8oz to being almost 27 lbs each now (currently 22 months). My girls are thriving so much and we are constantly impressed with their strength!
I will always remember our time there and continue to pray for the babies and families in the NICU!
